Monday, February 26, 2007

Stroke

My mother had a stroke- that's where
I've been. Hospitals, rehab, the medicare rat race. deciding what to do.
She's not bad enough to go to a nursing home, not good enough to live on her own and no money for assisted living.
Don't even go to the place where she would live with us. She's mean. One of those women who charm the world and torture their own.
She's miserable in her own skin and unhappy at the choices made in her life, which are, of course, someone else's fault.

What I've learned from her, because of her, really- is you own your own life, you can choose to be happy or not, no one will knock on your door and hand anything to you, especially the life you want, or think you want.

Other than the mother-bomb I'm on hella deadlines this week.
I did go to Toronto for a photoshoot, Amy has pictures - I'm the one braying.
The house continues to shed stuff. It still feels good.
Look for me after March 5th, when I start destashing.
I'll be starting with 2 10-skein bags of koigu.

49 Comments:

Anonymous Cara said...

Jillian - I'm so sorry! Especially since it sounds like your mother's illness carries much more than the usual sick parent conundrum. I wish you speedy resolutions and peace of mind!

8:15 AM  
Blogger Pippi said...

Oh shit.
Let me know what I can do and how I can help.

I send big love and virtual tubes!

8:29 AM  
Anonymous regina said...

Jeez, this stuff is never easy, and it sounds like you've got more than your fair share of crap to deal with. Sending you love and hugs and good thoughts.

9:29 AM  
Blogger Scoutj said...

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish her a speedy recovery.

9:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jillian, I really feel for you. You just described my MIL, and we're dealing with all the same things since Jim's dad died in October.

I wish you much strength, and joy in the moments you where you can find it.

Leslie - knitting therapist
(crazy Birch knitter from Lettuce Knit)

11:25 AM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

Oh, I am soo sorry! I can totally relate to what you're going through. All I can say is that mindless knitting & chocolate will help a lot.

My thoughts are with you!

11:38 AM  
Blogger morgan said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I know how difficult it is to have to make the sort of decisions your are having to make.

My thoughts are with you.

On another note. 2 10 skein bags of koigu! why even destash?? I'll just take them off your hands for a very very good sum of money *g*

12:21 PM  
Anonymous allie said...

I am thinking of you- my fellow purple thread survivor.....

4:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear of this trouble in your lives right now - I went through similar with my father not too long ago - he's not mean and it was STILL really tough. I'll be thinking positive thoughts and asking the universe for solutions on your behalf!

5:30 PM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

Man--hang in there. Too much stuff going on at once, that's for sure. Sending good thoughts your way!

9:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your mother was scared to own her life before and now she's probably really, really scared. You can be sympathetic without getting drawn in. You can.

10:23 PM  
Blogger ColorJoy LynnH said...

Oh, Jillian... nothing more intense than family stuff, no matter what the relationship. Ugh. Seems like parent stuff is spreading like wildfire these days, you're not alone but that does not make it easier.

I'm sending good vibes your way. I heard that you were at the A2 Library the other day... but not until the event was over. And I was sick when you were at Threadbear. Sigh...

2:52 AM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

Jillian, I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts, and I'm sending vibes of peace and health. xoxo

10:23 AM  
Blogger Karin said...

OK Jilian it's getting creepy. I was born in Germany and I was going to name my blog knittingfrau but the name was already taken.
My husband has size 12 feet and I have yet to make him a whole pair of socks. It was his birthday last week and I actually had a pair made for him (in exchange for a donation to a good cause) by Kathleen Day on her CSM (antique circular sock making machine. I'll give you her info if you want.)
AND your mother sounds the same as mine. Yikes. I am so sorry.
Big big hugs from the one that thought you were Amy Singer in the Socks that Rock booth at Rhinebeck last year.

10:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mega good karma going your way.

The awkward knitter at Saturday gymnastics working on the stripy baby blanket

7:09 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

Jillian - I'm sorry to hear about your mom. My mother, who was the b*tch queen from hell, had a bad stroke in 1997. She lived for 2-1/2 years after that, and in that time she lost all of her inhibitions, and learned that to say "I love you", or to hear it said to her, was not going to cause the world to stop spinning. I mean she was that cold and nasty before the stroke. I put everything aside, all those bad feelings, and decided that I would do what I could for her (and, like you, having her stay with me was just not an option, and we couldn't afford care, so her just-as-nasty husband had to care for her at home, which is another story entirely). It was a rough time for everyone, but maybe you will see something good come of this, and find that there is someone loving living behind the person you know. Two of my brothers have still not come to terms with her "old" personality, and I doubt they ever will, which is a shame for them.

Oh, and you know, my mom was a fabulous knitter - taught me when I was 10, by having me knit myself a mohair v-neck pullover - so I think she always had alot of good in her, it just took a terrible thing to bring it out.

So I and others of your faithful readers (who I think are mostly lurkers like me) will keep you in our thoughts and hope that everything works out well for you and your family.

Oh, and the koigu? I've already marked the calendar.

11:39 PM  
Anonymous Jess said...

I'm sorry about your mom. I hope you're able to find a place/caretaker for her soon.

9:05 AM  
Anonymous Emma said...

I'm sorry about your Mum's stroke and all the 'stuff' you're having to deal with. Try not to let it gring you down.
I'm also sorry that your Mum is my Mum's secret sister. She is NEVER coming to live here !
I'd tell a tale or two, but it's not appropriate here.
Family relationships can be so complex and hard. Wishing you strength and serenity in the face of it all.

7:35 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Hi Jillian, I'm really sorry to hear about the rough times. It sounds rotten.

3:22 PM  
Anonymous terri said...

Your mother sounds like my mother. She had cancer a few years ago, wouldn't let anyone help her, had no money for food, whined the whole time, then started smoking again after she went into remission. And it's never her responsibility. I feel for you. Knit, it helps.

11:08 AM  
Blogger julia fc said...

This is exactly where we've been for the last seven weeks. The in-laws aren't mean (that would be MY mom) but impossible. My mil actually passed on last friday, bringing every plan we had made up to then into reverse, and back to square one. I know what you're going through. I am so sorry. Take care of yourself, sleep well, eat something fun, and knit when you can. It all sucks, and the system isn't prepared. Just know that in a bureacracy, any answrer on the phone is only as good as the person who gives it. If you don't like the answer, ask someone else.

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Dr. Steph said...

Sorry to hear about your mom and the tough decisions ahead. Sending hugs and virtual Guiness to get you through it.

10:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about your mother (her illness and her issues). She sounds like she was cut from the same cloth as my mother and pretty much hell will freeze before she will live with me.

I hope you find peace with whatever solution comes your way.

2:08 PM  
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